Jaysus, Mary and Joseph! Is that Declan Ganley I see before me

LISBON REFERENDUM LATEST! Declan Ganley’s Face Appears On Tree Stump!

Posted on Monday, September 28th, 2009 and is filed under NEWSICLE. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

By Religious Affairs Correspondent, Labia Corkscrew.

Local children discovered the ghostly image.

Thousands of people have been flocking to the small Kilkenny village of Knocktopher to pay respect to what some believe is a divinely inspired image of Eurosceptic arms dealer Declan Ganley.

The image was uncovered by local children whilst drunkenly cutting down trees with stolen penknives. At first, the striking resemblance to Mr. Ganley went unnoticed, as the children in question were unaware of Mr Ganley’s face and his all consuming personality.

However, late Sunday, several members of Mr Ganley’s inner circle were coincidently strolling past the innocuous tree stump when ‘a blinding gush of hot wind‘ penetrated the night air – leaving in its wake the dulcet features of the entrepreneurial war profiteer.

Ganley's face is seen to smile when touched by females.

Since then, wild eyed anti-Lisbon Treaty canvassers have been conducting nightly vigils in the surrounding constituency – with candlelit parades, badger baiting and traditional clown dancing accompanying the proceedings.

“Knocktopher is a blessed place,” said local tourist board official, Libertas member and parish Priest, Father Paddy Browne. “The Catholic Church and Libertas in no way promotes the belief in scaremongering and superstition, but I firmly believe that this is a genuine miracle, probably sanctioned by God himself.”

At play in the fields of our Lord?

Asked why God should want Mr Ganley’s face to appear on a tree stump in the lead up to a tightly contested referendum, Father Browne ventured that “scripture speaks of God’s violent opposition to European integration, indeed, we all probably remember the famous passage in Exodus when he asks Moses to lead the chosen people into the desert so that they may say NO unto Lisbon.”

Mr Ganley retired from public life in June following his failure to get elected to the European Parliament. His movements since have been cloaked in secrecy, with some commentators suggesting that Mr Ganley had never actually existed and that his sudden appearance in public life was merely the mass hallucination of ‘evil made manifest in human form’.

However, Mr Ganley has recently stunned critics by his transubstantiation back to the political stage with a strength, swagger and intellectual certitude usually reserved for firebrand, right wing zealots.

Mr Ganley refuses to directly address the mysterious proceedings in Knocktopher and has instead released the following, oddly phrased communique:

“God has spoken. The time of purification is at hand – and I’ve got the guns.”

Men of destiny who both enjoyed staring out of windows. Absolutely no other similarities are suggested whatsoever.